The Southern Impression

Not everything I write has pictures.  You have to use your imagination a little.  This post is meant to be somewhat humorous, and if you know me, you will be able to appreciate it even more.  if you don't know me personally, well then perhaps you will have a greater impression of who southern folks are and what we're about.  This is a re-write of an article I wrote for The Mountain Breeze a few years ago.

Most folks who know me, and I mean really know me, know that I am pretty proud of the fact that I am a native Rutherford Countian, North Carolinian, and bona-fide Southerner.  I believe in saying what you mean and meaning what you say, and I generally say it with an appreciable accent (some things you just can’t get rid of, not that I’ve ever really tried of course).  Most of the time in my little column in The Mountain Breeze I try to write about nature or environmental related topics, but I felt this time a change of pace might be nice.  Sometimes it’s nice to sit back and reflect on what makes a person tick, and a lot of times, looking at where we come from can provide a huge insight into who we are as people and why we feel the way we do about things.  Even the way we talk makes impressions on people (often inaccurately).  Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about.

            When my wife and I got married, we honeymooned in Maui.  What an experience!  We embraced the Hawaiian culture while we were there and had a wonderful time, but a funny thing happened to us before we came home.  We were sitting in the airport in Maui, waiting to catch a flight over to Honolulu where we would get on another plane to come back to the continental U.S.  There were a lot of students in the airport.  Apparently schools in Hawaii do field trips to different islands (how fun would that be) and this particular group of middle school students had come over to Maui for the day to learn about the island.  Anyway, Chasitty and I were just sitting there talking while we waited to board the plane and I noticed this young lady kept watching us very closely and appeared to be eavesdropping.  Well, I just kind of casually smiled at her, sort of acknowledging that I knew she was listening to us (I didn’t care, as we weren’t discussing top secret information or anything).  At that point, she interrupted our conversation and said, “Excuse me, but I was wondering where you are from?”  I told her we were from North Carolina.  She replied, “You mean on the mainland?”  I said yes and explained that we were in Hawaii for our honeymoon.  She said, “I have never heard anyone talk the way you do.”  Of course I laughed.  She then commented that we must be rich since we came from so far away, to which I commented that if she was referring to financial wealth then I hated to burst her bubble.  She said that most of the mainlanders that visit are typically pretty wealthy, which I am sure is probably the case, however it was very interesting to see how a perception could be made based on my accent and use (or misuse depending on how you look at it) of the English language.

            My accent is something that I cannot escape.  When I worked at Chimney Rock Park, the World Botanic Congress had its annual meeting at the Grove Park Inn.  One of their scheduled field trips was to the Park.  This was a pretty prestigious thing as botanists and researchers from all over the world were attending this conference.  Anyway, my job was to give a slide presentation and guided hike for the attendees.  World-renowned botanist and curator of the Missouri Botanical Garden, Dr. Peter Raven was on the field trip  and was standing in the back of the room as I proceeded to give my presentation.  Dr. Raven is also a close friend of the Morse Family, the former owners of Chimney Rock Park.  As my southern drawl was very apparent to folks, I warned them as I began my presentation that they would have to excuse my pronunciation of the Latin names of the plants that we would be seeing because I speak Southern Latin.  Lu Morse, who was standing in the back of the room with Dr. Raven, was drinking a bottle of water and nearly drowned as he tried to keep water from spurting out of his mouth.  Dr. Raven thought it was hilarious as did the rest of our international guests.  It certainly helped ease the tension of speaking to world-renowned botanists.

            On a ski trip to Quebec, Canada I got an opportunity to impress a French-speaking Quebecois shopkeeper.  I was doing my best to blend into the French-Canadian culture so as not to come off with the “ugly American” attitude that we are so often guilty of.  Our little group was trying to speak French where we could and to try to be mannerly and so forth.  Well, my French is virtually non-existent and I was learning phrases on the fly.  We were in this shop and I saw some Inuit moccasins that I really liked and decided to buy.  I was trying to ask the store owner how much the moccasins were in French.  He gave me the price in English and smiled at me.  So I said, “Merci,” and he asked me (in English) where we were from.  Tired of abusing the French language, the southern came forth as I explained we were from North Carolina down in the southern U.S.  He laughed, and said that he knew I didn’t sound like anyone else that he had met from the U.S.  He was very interested in North Carolina, particularly the geography so I had a good time explaining to him what western North Carolina was like and so forth.  He and I both came away with a wonderful experience of cultural enlightenment.

            Another time at Chimney Rock, I was working in the “Booth” at the tunnel entrance.  This was before my days as Park Naturalist.  My best friend Justin, who also worked at the Park, was running the elevator and had just brought a couple of young ladies from Michigan down.  They were apparently going on and on about the way Justin talked.  Without missing a beat, Justin tells them, “You think I talk funny, you ought to hear that short, stubby fellow at the end of the tunnel!”  He then hollered down the tunnel, “TALK FOR ‘EM CLINT!”  So, what did I do?  I did what any other southern gentleman would do.  I gave the best southern impression that I could by giving them what they wanted:  an earful of southernism.

            One of the great things about living in the South is all of the great “sayin’s” and colloquialisms that are part of the everyday lexicon.  The southern dialect is almost poetic in nature due to the phrasing and the use of simile and metaphor in our speech.  We can always come up with something to compare something else to.  Unfortunately, much of this is being lost as new generations come along, losing touch with southern heritage, or were never in touch to begin with.  I can remember all my life, spending time with the older generations and hearing stories and “sayin’s” that have become part of my own vocabulary.  My Pa-Paw Calhoun was probably one of the most colorful individuals that I have ever known and the number of “sayin’s” that have come from his mouth I can’t begin to count.  We sat down one summer, my dad and brothers and I, and we wrote down some of the things that Pa-Paw has said over the years, and we just absolutely cracked up.  It was funny, partly because you would have to be from the South to appreciate them, but you would have also had to lived on a farm to understand them as well.  I find myself using a lot of those same “sayin’s” and it’s a part of my southern heritage that I hope to never lose and to pass down to my children and grandchildren, especially since cultural dilution is becoming more prevalent in our society today. 

            Of course I couldn’t conclude this article without sharing some of my personal favorite “sayin’s” and providing some explanation as to what they mean for those of you who may not understand.  Here we go (it’s like a Top Ten List of Southern Sayin’s):

1)      “Show ‘em where Tony hit the wedge!”  In other words, prove to everybody that you can do it.

2)      “Get on it like ugly got on ape!” or “Dive on it like a dog on a bone!”  Same meaning for both.  Whatever you do, do it with enthusiasm.

3)      “He’s wanderin’ around like a blind dog in a meathouse!” or “He don’t know if he’s comin’ or goin’!”  Best description would be that someone is confused about something.

4)      “He tore out like Fisick’s house cat!”  In other words he left in a hurry.  “He hit Bush River!”  is another one with a similar meaning.

5)      “Tight as Dick’s hat band!”  This could refer to something that won’t come loose like a bolt or a screw.  Or could refer to a person who doesn’t like to spend money.

6)      “Hot and dry; spittin’ up dust!” or “Dry as a powder house!”  Usually these expressions refer to the weather or if you’ve been working hard and you’re feeling a little dehydrated.

7)      “The wind blowed it out!”  Pa-Paw would say this if he was cutting wood and for one reason or other his chainsaw would quit running.

8)      “I could eat the hind-end out of a rag doll!”  This one’s a tad off-colored but funny to me.  This is a simple reference to being absolutely “starved-to-death.”

9)      “It came a real side-swarper”  In other words, it came a bad storm.  “Side-swarper” can be substituted for “gully-washer” or “toad-strangler.”

10)  “That’s good for what ails ye!”  Refers to anything that tastes good.  Usually referring to a dessert such as ice cream.

I hope you have found my meanderings and ponderings as entertaining to read as I did writing them.  Until next time!